went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
