Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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