I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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