O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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