I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
