mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
