He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize