Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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