New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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