another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
bring money and cleavage
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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