Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
