You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
