i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
