I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
