I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize