I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize