Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
