mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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