were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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