and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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