Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
