Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
