you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
