We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
