There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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