What did we do last night that was yellow?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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