I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
