i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
