Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
