I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
pray to the hookup gods
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
