Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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