dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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