So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We just shotgunned beers for America
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
