White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
