I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
