I should be sponsored by Trojan
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
