i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
