I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
