I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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