Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
