i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
