need another drink. this is the easiest way
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
why is half of my head shaved?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
