considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
