There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
