Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
