I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
where does the pee come out of this thing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
