just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize