literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
