Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
