can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
