You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
