big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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