Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I touched a dick in church today
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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