either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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