I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
