By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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