He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
