I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
