He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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