I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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