Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
