you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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