i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You smell like stripper and shame
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
