We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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