put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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