After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
