If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
