now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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