If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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