I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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