I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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