I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
