apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
