Plan B is the new Plan A
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
