I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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