The maid of honor just puked.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize