dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
