i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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