You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
