eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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