So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
