i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
