Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
