and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
