Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
