oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
