Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
