OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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