So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
