Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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