the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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