Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
