I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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