i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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