The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize