Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
