We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
