Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
